First, let’s get this out of the way. It’s not asking for help in and of itself. That is a very positive and psychologically healthy way of asserting your needs, especially in mamahood.

It’s asking your partner for help. Asking for “help”.

This is a huge way. Some mamas say things like:

• I asked my husband to “help” me with the kids, and he did/didn’t.
• All I want is for my partner to “help” me with the baby.

Or, talking to their partner:

• Can you please “help” me with….(bedtime, bathtime, diapering, etc.)
• I need you to “help” more!

Some of you may be puzzled about why this could be an issue. Well, here’s the thing: OUR WORDS HAVE POWER.

• Asking your partner/spouse/co-parent for help implies they are assisting you, rather than being a partner and parenting with you.
• It suggests both directly and subconsciously (to you both!) that the child(ren) is primarily your responsibility and they only parent with you when they feel like it, or if you ask.
• It suggests your partner is less capable since they merely assist.
• It decreases the partnership. You are partners, which means working together.
• It can set an unintended example for children.

So what to do?

Literally, drop the word “help” whenever you are talking to your partner about caring for your children or describing such to anyone else.

Instead, say “please do bath time tonight.”

You may find this will be much harder than it seems, as many of us don’t realize how often we use the word “help” in this context.

Image source: Google.